why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
