So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
