I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize