apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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