If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
