The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
