It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
