Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
