I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
