Need sex. Gaining weight.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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