why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
