im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
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On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
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Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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