I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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