Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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