You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
