weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
