You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Sober January is a disaster.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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