She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
