Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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