sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
