I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
