Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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