The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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