No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
