I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize