I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
birth control should be required to get into college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
All the doctor said was why
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize