im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
