Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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