There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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