i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
