So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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