Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
