i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
