Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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