Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
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