I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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