dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
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Actions speak louder than pants.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
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im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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