stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
