i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
