If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
