Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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