my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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