A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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