Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
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the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
That was an excessively violent trivia night
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
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I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches