My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I think I am morally bankrupt
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
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Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
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Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.