babies were throwing up all over the place
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants