Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We left the knife in your bed.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.