if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
cat food counts as protein by the way
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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