Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair

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(313): I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair http://tfl.nu/9zqr

Replies (1) Good night (2186) Bad night (1355)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.

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(908): and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line. http://tfl.nu/n1fc

Replies (10) Good night (4605) Bad night (1524)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun

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(860): So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun http://tfl.nu/05t6

Replies (16) Good night (7328) Bad night (1042)
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(410): View more from Maryland

I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.

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(410): I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas. http://tfl.nu/b72z

Replies (31) Good night (12262) Bad night (1496)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.

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(303): Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent. http://tfl.nu/g68o

Replies (7) Good night (1642) Bad night (3956)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

What happened to him?

(1-501): View more from Arkansas

He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum

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(501): What happened to him? (1-501): He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum http://tfl.nu/owcl

Replies (4) Good night (4098) Bad night (742)
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(613): View more from Ontario

Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.

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(613): Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground. http://tfl.nu/deou

Replies (9) Good night (2634) Bad night (1210)
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(801): View more from Utah

First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.

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(801): First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up. http://tfl.nu/q6w0

Replies (8) Good night (3046) Bad night (1061)
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(561): View more from Florida

Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.

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(561): Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry. http://tfl.nu/ip0u

Replies (9) Good night (637) Bad night (1468)
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(256): View more from Alabama

I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.

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(256): I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though. http://tfl.nu/tmsk

Replies (1) Good night (872) Bad night (437)
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(757): View more from Virginia

I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt

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(757): I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt http://tfl.nu/qfiy

Replies (4) Good night (894) Bad night (417)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.

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(413): So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time. http://tfl.nu/h95e

Replies (3) Good night (763) Bad night (516)
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(256): View more from Alabama

What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here

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(256): What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here http://tfl.nu/buva

Replies (1) Good night (795) Bad night (172)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night

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(860): I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night http://tfl.nu/0jsm

Replies (5) Good night (375) Bad night (236)
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(818): View more from California

I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly

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(818): I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly http://tfl.nu/94xb

Replies (3) Good night (733) Bad night (101)

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