Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.