if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work