i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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