Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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