You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
