Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
