I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
