I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
