i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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