I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
