i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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