I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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