Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
