Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
