i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
