My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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