we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
