Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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