I haven't been this sober since birth.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
