My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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