I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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