Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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