i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
