I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
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As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
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Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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