I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
3pm strippers are depressing
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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