Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
