my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
