My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
