I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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