i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
