forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
