dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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