I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
