Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
