You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
