It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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